Rights of the husband over the wife

Today’s reminder is on the rights of the Husband over the wife

Dear brothers, we follow on from last weeks reminder of the rights of the wife over the husband. This week’s reminder is on the rights we have over our wives.

Firstly, a reminder from last week. The imam had spoken of the 21st ayat of Sura Ar-Rum which is translated to say:

And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.

As we concluded last week, we are to be inspirational leaders for our spouses and our families and so todays reminder should not conflict with that responsibility placed on us by Allah SWT. We need to be able to strike a balance between what is expected of us as husbands and what we can expect from our wives.

And so what does it mean to have the rights over one’s wife?

One of these rights is to listen to him, support him and protect his wealth and home in his absence. The Prophet SAWS is reported to have said:

“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The imam who is over the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; a man is a shepherd in charge of the inhabitants of his household and he is responsible for his flock; a woman is a shepherdess in charge of her husband’s house and children and she is responsible for them”

Another hadith was mentioned relating to this which says:

“When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes.”

And dear brothers, this leads us onto an important point which is worth mentioning. Often we can be guilty of subjecting our wives to things that are not permissible for us to ask for.

Our wives, for example, are not hired help or maids. We are not to overburden them with chores or responsibilities. Nor are they the carers of our parents, this is not their responsibility either but ours and they can choose to help if they should wish.

Our wives are not our employees and are emotional creatures. We should not expect them to simply obey everything we ask of them but instead they should feel compelled to obey because of the love, care and attention we show them. This is why last week’s reminder was more detailed as the rights of the wife come first as we are the leaders which means we are the ones who set the example.

The Prophet SAWS spoke of the right of the husband in matters of intimacy. This hadith is translated to say:

“When a man calls his wife to come to his bed and she refuses and does not come to him and he spends the night angry, the angels curse her till the morning.”

But dear brothers, we need to play our part here also. Are we making it light work for her? Are we giving her time to beautify herself for us? Are we paying compliments to her? Are we buying her presents outside of the standard birthday, eid, anniversary occasions? These points are critical if we are to understand this hadith and to refer to it in context.

Dear brothers, we ought to relay our rights to our wives but be mindful that every right of ours comes with responsibility that we must fulfil also. Let us focus on our part first and insh’Allah the rest will come as a result of this.

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