Marriage in Islam

This week’s khutbah was on Marriage.

Marriage, especially for Muslims, is a lot more than having someone to call a husband or wife. The marital relationship is an incredible blessing and divine sign. Allah SWT speaks of this in the Holy Quran as mentioned today by the imam in Sura Al-araf, ayat 189 which says:

It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her.

And Sura Al-Room, ayat 21 which says:

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.

Dear brothers and sisters, the whole purpose of having a spouse is to find tranquillity in and with them; and our relationships with our spouses have signs that Allah SWT is asking us to give thought to.

The topic of marriage has always been something that has warranted discussion and advice. The Prophet SAWS was asked to share his wisdom on marriage and this is relayed in the following hadiths that were outlined by the imam today.

First one indicates the importance of marriage in which the Prophet SAWS said:

Whoever marries then has obtained half of his religion, and needs to be careful with the other half.

And another in which the Prophet SAWS advised us on the criteria for looking for a spouse. This one is especially important to those of us looking to get married as we live evermore in a time of looks and status and so this hadith is a crucial reminder when it says:

A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious.

Dear brothers and sisters, this  hadith does not encourage the marriage of women just because of her looks, money or status, but instead the meaning is that this is the reason why people get married, as some will purely look for looks, others who would want the woman’s status in society such as her job or qualifications, and those who purely after a rich woman, but then you have others who look to marry those who are right with their religion, and this is the one that the Prophet SAWS has encouraged us to marry.

Today’s reminder concludes with 3 practical reminders that ought to be reminded to everyone wishing tranquillity in their marriage.

1. Love each other for the sake of Allah. This means to make the love and obedience of Allah SWT the basis and focus of your marriage. The Prophet SAWS said that the husband and wife are garments for each other. This means that without realising it, marriage does bring one closer to Allah SWT by removing temptations of sin, promoting kindness to one another and encouraging one another to do good.
2. Be grateful for one another. Dear brothers and sisters, there is a fundamental human need in every man and woman, regardless of faith and that is to feel relevant and appreciated. And this is one of the most overlooked things in marriage and a cause of breakdown. We need to remind ourselves of the blessing that is our spouse. And for those of us who are out of practice or culturally this practice seems alien to them, here’s a few points to be grateful for:
   1. For providing a roof to live under or alternatively making a house a home
   2. For buying you clothes to wear or alternatively making sure you have clean clothes to wear every day
   3. And for buying you the food to eat or alternatively cooking delicious meals for you to eat

Make a habit of thanking your spouse for at least one specific thing each day with sincerity and thought and the feeling of gratitude will increase between one another insh’Allah.

1. They eliminate the ego. Ego is the biggest threat to marriage because it is like an enemy within. It distorts reality and makes us justify the wrongs we commit and convince us we are right. Allah SWT has blessed us with a partner that will know us more intimately than any other. Therefore, if anyone is going to communicate to us on how to better ourselves, it is our garment, our spouse. In fact, counsellors encourage this 4-step method to communicate to one another to help eliminate ego in each other.
   1. Listen carefully and objectively.
   2. Control the urge to go on the defensive.
   3. Ask yourself: “Has anyone pointed this out about me before?”
   4. And finally, realise how merciful Allah SWT is being to you through your spouse.

Our spouses are there with us through thick and thin. We should learn to grow alongside each other and accept observations on one another for the purpose of becoming better people and better Muslims. And this can only be done if the ego is eliminated between one another.

Dear brothers and sisters, marital happiness is not an end but a state; a state that can easily be achieved by just seeing marriage for what it really is: a means of attaining physical, emotional and spiritual tranquillity through the loving and merciful companionship of a spouse.

May Allah SWT bless our marriage. May Allah SWT bless our spouses and may Allah SWT reward us in our efforts to bring tranquillity to our marriage.